Today’s post was inspired by something I read many years ago that tested my faith in God. It still amazes me how mere words written on pieces of paper could challenge me to “grow up” during a crucial age and critical stage of my personal development.

Stage 1: “Help Me” says an infant to its parents.
As an adult, do you always need somebody else to do for you what you’re still unwilling to do for yourself?

Stage 2: “Teach Me” says a student to its teachers.
As an adult, are you always looking for somebody else to teach you what God gave you the ability to teach yourself?

Stage 3: “Show Me” says an employee to its employer.
As an adult, do you always expect somebody else to show you an easier way to do what you refuse to learn how to do one step and one day at a time?

Stage 4: “Follow Me” says a leader to its generation.
As an adult, are you always getting in the way of your own hopes, dreams, and aspirations because you’re still waiting for somebody else to lead the way?

©Copyright 2007 by Roderick O. Solomon. All Rights Reserved.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security.

After a while you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

After a while you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow’s grounds are too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soil instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure,

…that you really are strong,

…and you really do have worth.

Anonymous

Keeping On

“I’ve dreamed many dreams that never came true,
I’ve seen them vanish at dawn;
But I’ve realized enough of my dreams, thank God,
To make me want to dream on.

“I’ve prayed many prayers when no answer came,
I’ve waited patient and long;
But answers have come to enough of my prayers
To make me keep praying on.

“I’ve trusted many a friend who failed
And left me to weep alone;
But I’ve found enough of my friends true-blue
To make me keep trusting on.

“I’ve sown many seeds that fell by the way
For the birds to feed upon;
But I’ve held enough golden sheaves in my hands,
To make me keep sowing on.

“I’ve drained the cup of disappointment and pain,
I’ve gone many days without a song,
But I’ve sipped enough nectar from the rose of life
To make me want to live on.”

–Charles Allen, The Secret Of Abundant Living

The following is from the April 23, 1910 speech, “Citizenship In A Republic,” given by Theodore Roosevelt while in Paris.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually try to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

“He who belittles and despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent.”

Proverbs 11:12 The Amplified Bible

The Touch of the Master’s Hand

T’was battered and scarred and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile:
“What am I bidden, good folks,” he cried,
“Who’ll start the bidding for me?”
“A dollar, a dollar; then Two! Only two?
Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?
Three dollars once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three –” but no,
From the room, far back, a gray-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening up the loose strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet
As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: “What am I bid for the old violin?”
And he held it up with the bow.
“A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?
Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?
Three thousand, once, three thousand twice,
And going, and gone,” said he.
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
“We do not quite understand
What changed its worth.” Swiftly came the reply:
“The touch of a master’s hand.”

And many a man’s life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin.
A “mess of pottage,” a glass of wine;
A game — and he travels on.
He is “going once,” and “going” twice,
he’s “going” and almost “gone.”
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that’s wrought
By the touch of the Master’s hand.

– Myra Brooks Welch, quoted in John R. Rice, Poems That Preach

As promised yesterday, we will continue our discussion from Chapter 4 of The 8th Habit by Mr. Steven Covey. What choices have you made when the people you loved and trusted did you dirty, took unfair advantage of you while trapped beneath an adverse set of unduly burdensome circumstances? How did you respond when your peers kicked you in the face when you were already lying face down on the ground?

I cringed while watching video-taped footage exposing the barbaric behavior of teen-aged students beating down other defenseless students unmercifully just to make a video. Supposedly, widely publicized “beat downs” of weaker, out numbered students will earn these “school yard bullies” the attention, approval, acceptance, and affection of their peers. Where did our little angels learn that this type of pugilistic behavior and when did our children begin to believe that random acts of violence targeted at another human being was socially acceptable?

According to The 8th Habit, children who are misbehaving and behaving badly can learn to make better choices by lengthening the space between their responses to outside stimuli. Just because another child hits you doesn’t mean you have to hit back unless self-defense is the only way you can save your own life. Matters not where you’ve come from or what you’ve done in the past. Your courageous response to the bad behavior of others who are choosing to misbehave and behave badly can change by understanding how to widen the gap between outside stimuli and your response to it.

But what about grown folk who appear to be set in their ways? Can they also learn how to make better choices by widening their gaps? Can a person be too young, or too old, to increase their response times between what happened to them and how they choose to respond when Adversity strikes?

According to Mr. Covey,

“With many who have grown up with unconditional love in supportive circumstances, the space may be very large. With others, due to various genetic and environmental influences, it may be very small. But the key point is, there is still a space there and it is in the use of that space that the opportunity to enlarge it exists.”

So what’s the bottom line? How can great people with great weaknesses widen their gaps so we can choose the battles we fight and the paths we walk wisely? The answer is a simple one. Our most gracious and merciful Father gave each of His children free will. God gifted each of us with the freedom to choose how we respond to whatever happens during the course of our daily lives. But how can I exercise my free will during such a violent season as this? Here are a few examples of what you can do to exercise your free will once you leave here today.

Be proactive. Ask God to gift you with the wisdom and understanding you need to make wise choices “before” you need it. Know thyself. How wide is your gap? Are you easily manipulated by carefully crafted messages deliberately designed to anger you and cause you to lose control of your own thoughts and emotions? You will always remain a slave to the person who can control, or master, your thoughts and emotions. Think about it.

Only those of us who have failed to master our thoughts and emotions will remain a slave to our impulses and natural cravings as discussed in the previous post, “Scarcity, Abundance, and Slave Mentalities.” Ever wonder why one person has a tendency to make bad, fear-based decisions while another, given the same, or similar, set of adverse circumstances tends to make good, faith-based decisions? Whose gap do you think is wider? How wide do you think your gap is based upon what happened to you yesterday, last week, last month?

Don’t wait until Sunday, or the next time Adversity strikes, before you decide to have a quiet talk with our Father in your secret place. It may sound old fashioned, but “counting to 10″ forces you to “think” before you speak, before you retaliate, before your emotions compel you to do something “stupid.” Prayer works. Grandma always said, “Sleep on it,” before making important decisions. Seek wise counsel. Don’t ask a “hot head” how to remain cool, calm, and collected under pressure if wise counsel is what you’re seeking.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Mahatma Gandhi, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. are three legendary, classic examples of iconic people who made wise choices when it wasn’t popular, safe, or profitable to do so. What gave them the inner strength of character, the confidence, and the courage they needed to do what was best for the greater good of all? Given the same, or similar, set of adverse circumstances they faced, how would you respond during such a troubled time as this?

How do you choose to respond when verbally vilified or violently assaulted by our antagonistic enemies?  Unhappy people don’t like to see other people happy. Misery will compel good people to harm us with words from their mouths when bad things happen to them. Jesus Christ gave us all hope that we can learn how to widen our gaps if we choose to do so. As evidenced by my initial reaction to mere words written on pieces of paper, my gap is still not wide enough. Now that you’ve talked to God about it, slept on it, sought the advice of wise counsel, and given it some thought, how wide is your gap?

Based upon the example of the leadership Jesus Christ displayed before, during, and after His crucifixion and resurrection, His gap is wider than any human being I’ve ever known. I know I still need to master my thoughts and emotions. Do you? I still need to exercise my free will until my gap grows wide enough to empower me with the “emotional intelligence” to choose my battles wisely. Do you? (God willing, we’ll discuss emotional intelligence next week.)

All is not well with the heart of humanity’s soul as evidenced by the growing number of violent crimes against humanity. No longer can we afford to ignore the warning signs that something is terribly wrong with the state of the human condition. Misery still loves company. No longer can any of us remain afraid to ask our children the tough questions that are relevant for tough times and tough people who simply may not know any better. Can we lead by example by helping each other to widen our gaps? Can we agree to work together in peace while we learn how to change the way we choose to respond whenever Adversity strikes? I hope so.

© Copyright 2007 by Roderick O. Solomon. All Rights Reserved.

As promised, here’s my latest contribution to our study group as we explore the contents of The 8th Habit. Any questions or comments are highly valued and deeply appreciated. We all have so much to learn from each other. Over the years, the more I learned, the more I realized just how much I still didn’t know. Humbling isn’t it? People who love to read and read to learn are seldom bored. Do you feel the same way?

Have you, or somebody you know, ever been described as a person with a “short fuse,” or a person who’s “easily offended,” “emotionally volatile,” or “trigger happy”? Is it easy for another person to “push your buttons” because you wear your emotions on your sleeves? Do you become defensive, sarcastic, or self-deprecating when critiqued or criticized by your peers? Does hearing the truth make you angry? If so, relax. There’s hope.

In Chapter 4, “Discovering Your Voice — Unopened Gifts” of The 8th Habit, Mr. Covey discusses how every person has the freedom to choose our response to whatever happens to us. Matters not the colour of one’s skin. Notice what I didn’t say. We may not always have the freedom to choose what happens to us because “life ain’t fair.” Nevertheless, we do have the freedom to choose how we respond when life ain’t fair.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.”

Apparently, According to Mr. Covey, there are mitigating factors that determine the width of this space. This space, or gap, symbolizes the response time “between” what happens to us and how we choose to respond to what’s going on in our lives. According to The 8th Habit, some of the mitigating factors listed that largely determines the size of this space include

“…our genetics or biological inheritance and…our upbringing and present circumstances.”

Initially, I had a problem with that particular statement. Obviously my gap wasn’t wide enough to allow the time I needed to not become a slave to my emotions. Instead of remaining offended, over reacting to words written on pieces of papers, and throwing away an insightful book, I decided to keep reading. In other words, I didn’t “throw the baby out with the bathwater.” I’m glad I didn’t. I learned something new.

Digging deeper into the provocative material Mr. Covey presented confirmed what I needed to see to give hope to people who may feel hopelessly chained to a slave mentality. What I read explain why two children birthed from the same womb, exposed to the same dysfunctional behavior, facing the same set of challenges will not respond the same way despite being given the same set of unduly burdensome circumstances.

“This power of choice means that we are not merely a product of our pasts or of our genes; we are not a product of how other people treat us. They unquestionably influence us, but they do not determine us. We are self-determining through our choices. If we have given away our present to the past, do we need to give away our future also?”

My immediate answer is “NO!” What’s your immediate response to this particular question?

Have you already given away your future by refusing to choose the battles you fight and the paths you walk wisely? I hope not. But if you have, fear not. All is not lost. You can learn how to “widen your gap.” You can change your response to what’s happening to you and around you. As always the choice to “choose your battles wisely” is still yours alone to make. So don’t lose hope, give up, self-destruct, and choose to keep doing what you’ve been doing before you read tomorrow’s message. God willing, I’ll see you tomorrow.

© Copyright 2007 by Roderick O. Solomon. All Rights Reserved.

“When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

Proverbs 16:7 The Amplified Bible

“An artistic black and white photographic image best illustrates what happens when Blacks and Whites master the art of working together for good. Without one, or the other, all the artists ends up with is a blank sheet of paper.”

Solomon

Because “a house divided cannot stand,” I decided many years ago to use the power of visual images in responsible, socially conscious ways to help heal old wounds between ethnic groups. I dedicated the gift of my creativity via the medium of photography to bridge the gap between strangers who could engage each other in meaningful discussions about their deepest fears in a safe environment.

I aspired to use my photographic art exhibitions to raise awareness about what we, as human beings, had in common despite our cultural differences and personal preferences. I endeavored to change the narrow way the blended, extended family members of humanity’s culturally diverse global village viewed each other. I wanted to strip away the blindfold of ignorance that emotionally divided generations of great people for all the wrong reasons.

I despised the traditional, stereotypical, and unflattering images I saw of the beautiful women and men who were frequently portrayed in films, on the pages of magazines, and by the mainstream media in a negative, purely photo-journalistic light. The images I saw lacked something that I couldn’t put my finger on until I saw the Table Top Photography Book, “I Dream A World.” I’ve heard Congresswoman Maxine Waters speak. I’ve seen the power of this wise woman’s words in action. That’s when I knew what was missing.

Not one to constantly complain about what’s wrong with the world as viewed through my eyes, I decided to “do something” to change the images I saw. I needed to edify, empower, and encourage the great women and men I loved, honored, and respected. Far too often, I walked away from Gallery Shows that included a few images of Blacks disappointed and disillusioned. Hence, the tag line I began to employ to brand my photography and market my gift simply states,

“When you desire images that show others who you are and not images that just show others how you look.”

Many years before photography became widely accepted as “Art,” I decided to use my camera, and the gift of my imagination, for the greater good of humanity. In retrospect, the inspiration to dance to the beat of a different drummer challenged me to test the limits. I loved stepping outside the imaginary boundaries of some box God never intended for me to stand inside. The freedom to choose my own destiny explains many of the business decisions I made over the years to do what I did for free.

I bought film before I would buy food to keep my big dream alive. I didn’t want to “sell-out” and compromise my integrity for a paycheck. Look at how much collateral damage has been done to the image of the African American culture due in part by the “gangsta rap” videos that are being broadcast the world over on a daily basis. These degrading rap video images don’t represent me. They don’t represent the culture of the dignified, unsung heroes and sheroes whose shoulders I stand on today.

To protect the image of the clients who trusted me, I needed to maintain complete control of the artistic photographic images I created of them and how they would eventually be marketed to the public. I made sure I owned the “copyright” to my images for the same reasons the legendary Ray Charles ensured that he owned the “masters” of the music he created. I paid a heavy price for refusing to do “work-for-hire.” Was it worth it? Most definitely. Would I do it again? You betcha.

©Copyright 2007 by Roderick O. Solomon. All Rights Reserved.