When Least Expected™

THE 8TH HABIT: Have You Given Away Your Future?

March 22nd, 2007 at 11:37pm Manchild

As promised, here’s my latest contribution to our study group as we explore the contents of The 8th Habit. Any questions or comments are highly valued and deeply appreciated. We all have so much to learn from each other. Over the years, the more I learned, the more I realized just how much I still didn’t know. Humbling isn’t it? People who love to read and read to learn are seldom bored. Do you feel the same way?

Have you, or somebody you know, ever been described as a person with a “short fuse,” or a person who’s “easily offended,” “emotionally volatile,” or “trigger happy”? Is it easy for another person to “push your buttons” because you wear your emotions on your sleeves? Do you become defensive, sarcastic, or self-deprecating when critiqued or criticized by your peers? Does hearing the truth make you angry? If so, relax. There’s hope.

In Chapter 4, “Discovering Your Voice — Unopened Gifts” of The 8th Habit, Mr. Covey discusses how every person has the freedom to choose our response to whatever happens to us. Matters not the colour of one’s skin. Notice what I didn’t say. We may not always have the freedom to choose what happens to us because “life ain’t fair.” Nevertheless, we do have the freedom to choose how we respond when life ain’t fair.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.”

Apparently, According to Mr. Covey, there are mitigating factors that determine the width of this space. This space, or gap, symbolizes the response time “between” what happens to us and how we choose to respond to what’s going on in our lives. According to The 8th Habit, some of the mitigating factors listed that largely determines the size of this space include

“…our genetics or biological inheritance and…our upbringing and present circumstances.”

Initially, I had a problem with that particular statement. Obviously my gap wasn’t wide enough to allow the time I needed to not become a slave to my emotions. Instead of remaining offended, over reacting to words written on pieces of papers, and throwing away an insightful book, I decided to keep reading. In other words, I didn’t “throw the baby out with the bathwater.” I’m glad I didn’t. I learned something new.

Digging deeper into the provocative material Mr. Covey presented confirmed what I needed to see to give hope to people who may feel hopelessly chained to a slave mentality. What I read explain why two children birthed from the same womb, exposed to the same dysfunctional behavior, facing the same set of challenges will not respond the same way despite being given the same set of unduly burdensome circumstances.

“This power of choice means that we are not merely a product of our pasts or of our genes; we are not a product of how other people treat us. They unquestionably influence us, but they do not determine us. We are self-determining through our choices. If we have given away our present to the past, do we need to give away our future also?”

My immediate answer is “NO!” What’s your immediate response to this particular question?

Have you already given away your future by refusing to choose the battles you fight and the paths you walk wisely? I hope not. But if you have, fear not. All is not lost. You can learn how to “widen your gap.” You can change your response to what’s happening to you and around you. As always the choice to “choose your battles wisely” is still yours alone to make. So don’t lose hope, give up, self-destruct, and choose to keep doing what you’ve been doing before you read tomorrow’s message. God willing, I’ll see you tomorrow.

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