As promised yesterday, we will continue our discussion from Chapter 4 of The 8th Habit by Mr. Steven Covey. What choices have you made when the people you loved and trusted did you dirty, took unfair advantage of you while trapped beneath an adverse set of unduly burdensome circumstances? How did you respond when your peers kicked you in the face when you were already lying face down on the ground?

I cringed while watching video-taped footage exposing the barbaric behavior of teen-aged students beating down other defenseless students unmercifully just to make a video. Supposedly, widely publicized “beat downs” of weaker, out numbered students will earn these “school yard bullies” the attention, approval, acceptance, and affection of their peers. Where did our little angels learn that this type of pugilistic behavior and when did our children begin to believe that random acts of violence targeted at another human being was socially acceptable?

According to The 8th Habit, children who are misbehaving and behaving badly can learn to make better choices by lengthening the space between their responses to outside stimuli. Just because another child hits you doesn’t mean you have to hit back unless self-defense is the only way you can save your own life. Matters not where you’ve come from or what you’ve done in the past. Your courageous response to the bad behavior of others who are choosing to misbehave and behave badly can change by understanding how to widen the gap between outside stimuli and your response to it.

But what about grown folk who appear to be set in their ways? Can they also learn how to make better choices by widening their gaps? Can a person be too young, or too old, to increase their response times between what happened to them and how they choose to respond when Adversity strikes?

According to Mr. Covey,

“With many who have grown up with unconditional love in supportive circumstances, the space may be very large. With others, due to various genetic and environmental influences, it may be very small. But the key point is, there is still a space there and it is in the use of that space that the opportunity to enlarge it exists.”

So what’s the bottom line? How can great people with great weaknesses widen their gaps so we can choose the battles we fight and the paths we walk wisely? The answer is a simple one. Our most gracious and merciful Father gave each of His children free will. God gifted each of us with the freedom to choose how we respond to whatever happens during the course of our daily lives. But how can I exercise my free will during such a violent season as this? Here are a few examples of what you can do to exercise your free will once you leave here today.

Be proactive. Ask God to gift you with the wisdom and understanding you need to make wise choices “before” you need it. Know thyself. How wide is your gap? Are you easily manipulated by carefully crafted messages deliberately designed to anger you and cause you to lose control of your own thoughts and emotions? You will always remain a slave to the person who can control, or master, your thoughts and emotions. Think about it.

Only those of us who have failed to master our thoughts and emotions will remain a slave to our impulses and natural cravings as discussed in the previous post, “Scarcity, Abundance, and Slave Mentalities.” Ever wonder why one person has a tendency to make bad, fear-based decisions while another, given the same, or similar, set of adverse circumstances tends to make good, faith-based decisions? Whose gap do you think is wider? How wide do you think your gap is based upon what happened to you yesterday, last week, last month?

Don’t wait until Sunday, or the next time Adversity strikes, before you decide to have a quiet talk with our Father in your secret place. It may sound old fashioned, but “counting to 10″ forces you to “think” before you speak, before you retaliate, before your emotions compel you to do something “stupid.” Prayer works. Grandma always said, “Sleep on it,” before making important decisions. Seek wise counsel. Don’t ask a “hot head” how to remain cool, calm, and collected under pressure if wise counsel is what you’re seeking.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Mahatma Gandhi, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. are three legendary, classic examples of iconic people who made wise choices when it wasn’t popular, safe, or profitable to do so. What gave them the inner strength of character, the confidence, and the courage they needed to do what was best for the greater good of all? Given the same, or similar, set of adverse circumstances they faced, how would you respond during such a troubled time as this?

How do you choose to respond when verbally vilified or violently assaulted by our antagonistic enemies?  Unhappy people don’t like to see other people happy. Misery will compel good people to harm us with words from their mouths when bad things happen to them. Jesus Christ gave us all hope that we can learn how to widen our gaps if we choose to do so. As evidenced by my initial reaction to mere words written on pieces of paper, my gap is still not wide enough. Now that you’ve talked to God about it, slept on it, sought the advice of wise counsel, and given it some thought, how wide is your gap?

Based upon the example of the leadership Jesus Christ displayed before, during, and after His crucifixion and resurrection, His gap is wider than any human being I’ve ever known. I know I still need to master my thoughts and emotions. Do you? I still need to exercise my free will until my gap grows wide enough to empower me with the “emotional intelligence” to choose my battles wisely. Do you? (God willing, we’ll discuss emotional intelligence next week.)

All is not well with the heart of humanity’s soul as evidenced by the growing number of violent crimes against humanity. No longer can we afford to ignore the warning signs that something is terribly wrong with the state of the human condition. Misery still loves company. No longer can any of us remain afraid to ask our children the tough questions that are relevant for tough times and tough people who simply may not know any better. Can we lead by example by helping each other to widen our gaps? Can we agree to work together in peace while we learn how to change the way we choose to respond whenever Adversity strikes? I hope so.

© Copyright 2007 by Roderick O. Solomon. All Rights Reserved.